scorpio makes me all weak.
I have so much to say here, but last night eclipsed it all, and it's making my memory hazy.
I never thought I'd do stupid things, stay out in the freezing cold and get drunk out of being so worried at 12 am. I still AM worried.. I havent' slept all night. I just feel inadequate, and weird, and completely guilty. you don't know the things I'd do for you, do you? you have no idea at all. I hope you know I only worry because I care, and I care so much it pains me. 3 months of friendship in, and this already? we're better than this, but it could also be good I guess, not everything is perfect right? I hope we'll look back and laugh at how retarded we seemed.. that'd be great, wouldn't it
we need to talk, but I'm afraid to.. and I think this time, I've run out of things to say. for now, anyway. I'm sorry. it's making me feel so down, argh, I don't know. oh well, I just hope this is a feeling in passing
I'm just glad I got to chill and vent out with Jan and Ben after work, or else I would've been fucked and tripping out like crazy. It really did help just talking about situations and cruising and almost getting.. arrested? haha. puuuuuure jokes, friggin' love you boots.
I-GUESS-YOU-HAD-TO-BE-THERE quotes of the day:
"how you gonna call someone boots when your water's getting cut off B? tell me that B, that's whack B"
"then he started PINCHING. what are you, my fucking tita, guy? wtf"
"that girl is crusty. crustyyyyyy"
"(exaggerated voice) AS IF WE GIVE A SHIT"
"omg she asked her to grind carrots for her gerber baby. SO GHETTO"
"let's egg her house!!! but not with my van, we need auto lock"
"that girl's just so hot, she looks like she got run over"
" you know who's SO pretty? *insert name* wearing pants to prom, wow"
"omg let's go to a strip club now guys, I'm excited"
"let's go clubbing!" (why am I not surprised about this one Ben, why? haha)
you guys kill me!
I have so much running through my head, and still trying to finish my independent project proposal due in a few hours asdflsdgjsgjhksdjl! damn you procrastinatron!!! BALLS.
and AMR, did you message me last night? I saw yr convo pop up when I logged on. miss you tons!
I did the right thing (supposedly), but I feel so horrible.
Why is that always the case? fuck man, I need to stop being a push-over or being overly caring..
You knew better, but why am I the one reaping what you sow and regretting it now?
I sat in digital composite class yesterday feeling the full blow of the recent events that took place this past week, and I can't even get it off my mind. I didn't want to look your direction at all because I think you know that I know now, and you do.
Does it make any difference? it feels different.
Maybe we need to talk, maybe we need to pretend like nothing happened. regardless, I'll be looking at you with solemn eyes knowing you lied to me all this time and made me feel inferior.
Wow.. I need a drink.
I felt as if I should make good use of an online journal,
school yr started off well! missed the goofball art nerds, but we all pretty much hung out today and did the cliche "let's share summer stories" and laughed at last year's happenings. I missed this environment, SO glad to be back! i'm also thankful we got digital photography and digital fine art, and bonus, a chill instructor. we also got our materials list from marco, and umm WOW IT'S KIND OF LONG, AND IT'S ONLY FOR ONE CLASS. the girls and I decided to go raid Above Ground and Curry's this weekend, so that should be fun, although depressing for our wallets. meh. might be able to work at the bookstore with my friend dominique, but i'm in no rush and it's not that urgent, i'm alright with what i'm doing now. besides, gotta enhance portfolio 2006 *thumbs up*
doing that peer mentoring thing this yr as well out of request and suggestion, and it's going good.
but wow, you kinda caught me by surprise
familiar meeting, familiar beginning = familiar ending? I think so.
let's quit while we're ahead!